Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
