Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I showed him my bush... on skype.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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