K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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