I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
