So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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