it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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