i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
