and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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