I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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