i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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