I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
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