then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
