I need to stop coming to work sober
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
