The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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