There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
