Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
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