I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He passed out mid-signature
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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