New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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