I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
