wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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