How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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