My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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