Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
