nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
