I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
