You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
