the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
