you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
