You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize