why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
