...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
