using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
