i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i need an iv and a liver transplant
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I take back everything I said about communal showers
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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