Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
