Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
