The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
