Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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