mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
