My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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