No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
