I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize