I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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