i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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