One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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