Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
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