That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
