I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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