yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize