I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
