i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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