I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
