It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
