hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
