My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
