I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
