4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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