today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
