im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
