mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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